Considering that I thought myself to be completely heartless, I'm sort of confused with what i'm feeling right now. It could be guilt, it could be regret, I have no idea. All I know is that I've dug myself into a bigass hole and I can't fucking climb out of it.
Everything started out so well really. I made friends with a bunch of guys and they were all super attentive and sweet to me.
Then the romance came into play and guy T started to like me. I knew that I lacked the emotional capacity to like someone genuinely and ended up rejecting him more or less. He was too good for me, too sweet for me, and that scared me. The idea that I could end up hurting him was frightening. I didn't want to toy with anyone who could possibly be serious about me especially when I couldn't guarantee that I'd be able to give something back.
So I ran from him. At this time, guy Y started to like me as well and made his move on me one night. I had heard from people about how he played around with girls a lot and he certainly didn't seem very serious about me so I thought, why not? Commitment-free fun right? Wrong. He turned out to be serious about me. Like, really serious. And so me, in my little bout of... i-want-to-like-someone, tried really hard to like him. For a while, I thought that it worked but like always, one line from my mom made me realize how shallow my feelings were for him. But now, he's convinced that I like him from my pretending and I can't really climb out of my hole.
So it doesn't end there. I think that I may have liked guy T, but now he hooked up with my best friend and I'm not in any position to do anything about it. She seriously likes him and I'm out of the picture. GG, me.
Well, I've decided to see a psychiatrist about my mental issue. It should NOT be this difficult to like someone. Having a crush on someone should be something natural and common, but I can't even manage that. It's been an entire year already and I feel as asexual as ever. FML.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Pouring Salt on a Wound
I've always wondered about this expression. Every time someone would apologize to me for "pouring salt" on my "wound", I would wonder why they felt the need to apologize. The fact that the person is apologizing is more or less saying that they've already done the damage, the salt is already there, and it hurts like a bitch and you want to kill the salter. Yet, as true as the last two statements are, the third one is totally up for musing.
Chances are that most of the time that someone feels the need to use the phrase, they have no intention of taking the salt back or regret doing anything that they did. It's really just an empty phrase. Something of an, "Oh, I stole your boyfriend. My bad. Do you want him back?" kind of thing. In reality, the thought is just a cordiality, a mere few words of empty, meaningless apology. Even if you say yes to wanting your boyfriend back, what are the chances of you actually getting him back? Unless you happen to be Alessandra Ambrosio, they're next to zero. You know that, she knows that, he knows that, the entire god damned world knows it.
Well, let's take it from a more positive perspective now. Is it really all such a bad thing? From a literal standpoint, the disinfecting characteristics of salt may actually help the giant gash in your leg. Sure it may hurt like hell, but the pain is only temporary. Soon you get over it and your leg is in better condition than ever. Emotionally, it's really no different. Whatever 'wound' you possess is really just a temporary matter and the more you avoid dealing with it, the worse it gets. Back to being literal, if you blow on the wound, yes it feels better for a good three seconds, but you're simply just exposing it to more bacteria and increasing your chances for infection. In the long run, the salt is a good thing. It's what it really is. If you just let things drag on, they'll only get worse. For you and for everyone.
You'd might as well just poor the salt on it yourself and get ready to bitch yourself out for doing so. My slightly masochistic side says that it's actually quite the sensation. :)
-The Disturbed
Chances are that most of the time that someone feels the need to use the phrase, they have no intention of taking the salt back or regret doing anything that they did. It's really just an empty phrase. Something of an, "Oh, I stole your boyfriend. My bad. Do you want him back?" kind of thing. In reality, the thought is just a cordiality, a mere few words of empty, meaningless apology. Even if you say yes to wanting your boyfriend back, what are the chances of you actually getting him back? Unless you happen to be Alessandra Ambrosio, they're next to zero. You know that, she knows that, he knows that, the entire god damned world knows it.
Well, let's take it from a more positive perspective now. Is it really all such a bad thing? From a literal standpoint, the disinfecting characteristics of salt may actually help the giant gash in your leg. Sure it may hurt like hell, but the pain is only temporary. Soon you get over it and your leg is in better condition than ever. Emotionally, it's really no different. Whatever 'wound' you possess is really just a temporary matter and the more you avoid dealing with it, the worse it gets. Back to being literal, if you blow on the wound, yes it feels better for a good three seconds, but you're simply just exposing it to more bacteria and increasing your chances for infection. In the long run, the salt is a good thing. It's what it really is. If you just let things drag on, they'll only get worse. For you and for everyone.
You'd might as well just poor the salt on it yourself and get ready to bitch yourself out for doing so. My slightly masochistic side says that it's actually quite the sensation. :)
-The Disturbed
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